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Need Help: 6-year-old girl (going on 16 AND going on 2)

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  • Need Help: 6-year-old girl (going on 16 AND going on 2)

    Hi... My name is Rachel and I am a single mom of a spirited 6-year-old girl named Savannah. I have practiced attachment parenting since birth. We are very closely bonded and, to some, appear enmeshed. She is now in the 1st grade and struggles with practicing independence. She's highly articulate and creative, but often acts as if she can't do for herself what her peers already can (like getting her shoes on)... Her teacher is not concerned and is patiently working with her by rewarding her for doing things independently. It has taken me a long time to finally get her to sleep in her own room. Finally, she does so and is sleeping through the night.

    I believe in attachment parenting, but believe that I've done far too much for her, enabling her to stay a baby. She is a brilliant child who can clearly understand context that most kids her age can not. But, she will revert to toddler behavior on a regular basis to try to get what she wants. She see's me as more of a companion than an authority. We have SO much fun together. But, when it comes down to getting her to pay attention and follow instruction, it gets very frustrating. She doesn't take me seriously at times when it is required. The more frustrated I feel, the more insists that it's all just fun and games. I never want to squelch her creativity and struggle with disciplining her.

    Yesterday, she was extremely difficult to get up and out to the school bus on time. When she returned from school, I had removed the lap-top from her room and told her that she'd need to earn the privilege of using the computer by showing me she can get up and moving with out my constant drilling in the morning. She was crushed. This morning's routine was slightly improved. But, I just feel like I'm doing a horrible job. That I've been the one keeping her a baby and now expect her to turn on a dime (she's very sensitive and knows when I'm frustrated, no matter how hard I try to conceal it). I just want to help her to become more independent. I had separation anxiety as a kid and I think I've projected that onto her, stunting her independence. I need support in creating a more balanced approach to everything I do with her. I fear that my disciplining has been far too inconsistent.

    Does anyone relate?

  • #2
    don't keep trying to change her,
    change yourself -
    change the way you're looking at this situation
    change your outlook, how you see her,
    start seeing her for the spirited 6 year old she is... consistently.

    how would she become more independent? ..how do you see her doing it? be realistic.
    sometimes tough love is it,
    but personally, i don't think taking a toy away is the approach. ..it's treating her like a child. if that makes sense?

    i don't know... i'm not there yet.lol my little girl's 11 months old

    there's a book i read though, that i reference often: 7 habits of highly effective people
    i suggest it.

    Good luck!

    Comment


    • #3
      Originally posted by childmuddle View Post
      don't keep trying to change her,
      change yourself -
      change the way you're looking at this situation
      change your outlook, how you see her,
      start seeing her for the spirited 6 year old she is... consistently.

      how would she become more independent? ..how do you see her doing it? be realistic.
      sometimes tough love is it,
      but personally, i don't think taking a toy away is the approach. ..it's treating her like a child. if that makes sense?

      i don't know... i'm not there yet.lol my little girl's 11 months old

      there's a book i read though, that i reference often: 7 habits of highly effective people
      i suggest it.

      Good luck!
      Yes... I have read it (quite a long time ago). I whole-heartedly agree with you that I am the one who needs to change. Her behavior is in response to my own. There must be a part of me that wants her to stay a baby. I don't believe that it's overt. But, I know that she follows my cues.

      She IS becoming more independent, incrementally. I'm proud of her for that AND for the uniquely brilliant individual that she is.

      Thank you!

      Comment

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