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  • New here with questions

    I"m new to the site, an AP Leader applicant and 23 weeks pregnant.

    Anyone have problems with wanting a very attached delivery/birth? I am finding it hard to explain why I want my older child there (he will be 3) and that I want to hold the baby afterwards vs use the plastic crib. Anyone else experience this?

    They explained they would have to sit down and discuss all the reasons why I shouldn't co-sleep and how this could increase the chance of my baby dying. It's sad they don't seem to have the research going in the other direction that it is safe!

    Any thoughts?

  • #2
    OH I am not surprised, I have never heard of any flexibility regarding the Plexiglas bassinet, but some with children. Some hospitals don't allow siblings to visit unless they are over 5yrs old! I guess you should try to get out of there as soon as possible. I really think older siblings really need to be near mommy!

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    • #3
      Well the don't get alot of choice, he has to be there as we can't leave him home alone LOL

      We're not going to use the plastic thing, I know they will be annoyed but I guess I can't help that, it's a big day for us, and just another day on the job for them

      FWIW we're in the UK, so it's slightly different than a US hospital

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      • #4
        How frustrating! I was very frustrated w/ my hospital experience too & hope I can do either a home birth or birthing center next time. I don't have great advice but just wanted to point out that it's great you are being so vocal about your wants. They need to know that more & more of us reject the "standard" ideas of birth & parenting. The more of us they know are different the more likely they are to make the changes we need to have better birth experiences! Yay for helping change people's views! Use it as a teaching moment!

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        • #5
          i didn't run into any of these issues w/ds2, but was all prepared for my response to be "i'll sign the form", meaning i'd sign any waivers for the hospital's liability. they can't make you put the baby in plastic. you may want to have some co-sleeping research of your own on hand, too. just say, 'i'm not discussing this, you're welcome to read the latest research for yourselves." and hand them your print-outs.

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          • #6
            Thanks ladies, I plan on going home quick so I doubt we'll have any "sleep" anyway.

            I am trying to educate were I can, I can't really do a homebirth due to being high risk, it's sad though they try to push me to it even though it wouldn't be safe just to get me off their back.

            I guess for most of us it's accepting we're not the "norm". When we did babywearing, when people ask "where is your son's room" and even better why isn't he in school (he's not even 3, come on, but we're keeping him home anyway )

            I don't know, I guess I just hoped for one less battle.

            Anyone have their other kids at the birth? He loves the birth videos and has spent hours on end at the hospital already. I wonder why they are so sure he'll be upset?? You know mama won't be happy if he's crying with a stranger the whole time, but maybe I'd get the baby out in 15 mins LOL

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            • #7
              My second child was a home birth, so my son was in the next room sleeping "during" the birth, but right after came in to see us all. I wasn't very vocal so I think he was only really woken up by people going up and down the steps. My Grandmother (whose children were born in the "twilight sleep" era), said she thought it was cruel to submit my son to hear me screaming in pain. I guess in that age under that circumstance I wouldn't want my son there either. I think working labor noises would only express the effort needed, not hopeless pain as my grandma imagined.
              By flexibility I only meant what they would "officially" allow, not what I think you could get away with. We co-slept with our first newborn at the hospital, but would try to sneak him back in the bassinet or wake-up when the nurse came in....awful state of thing... I had no energy to fight for basic things at that point, so I had no energy to do education of misinterpreted cultural norms!

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              • #8
                Wait a second....I'm not a mom (yet), so I'm not positive about the whole birth process. Hospitals don't allow you to hold your baby after you give birth? They put them in those plastic cribs right away?? I would NOT be very happy with that. I agree with PoshMama. It's just another day in the life for them, but having a child is one of the most important days in a mom's life!

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                • #9
                  I am in the US. But I have a detailed birth plan that covers all these things. I also have already printed out a legal waiver that we are having notarized to decline just about everything the hospital does with a baby. My midwife is a CNM, but she is well known for being hands off. So we are very happy with her approach. This is my 4th baby and I am also a doula. So I deal with this stuff quite often professionally at hospitals. Just be prepared, take charge, and don't give them the option to argue with you.

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                  • #10
                    Don't back off

                    Try not to be hostile but do not compromise your wishes. I know plenty of women who's children were present at their sibling's birth and it was beautiful. Just remember they can't make you submit to anything. Be firm.

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                    • #11
                      I had my first two at a hospital, and they also insisted that the baby sleep in the plastic bin. I was able to hold them right after birth and everything, but when I was asleep they wanted to have the baby in the bin. We pulled it right up to the bed, and never used it! I had to stay there for 3 days after giving birth (I had Group B strep and they made me stay to monitor the baby, like they couldn't trust me to take a temp at home), so it was annoying to always pretend that I was just nursing the baby or whatever when they came in, but that's what we did. It really wasn't a big deal, you just have to be a little tricky.

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                      • #12
                        Originally posted by rlharp5375 View Post
                        I am in the US. But I have a detailed birth plan that covers all these things. I also have already printed out a legal waiver that we are having notarized to decline just about everything the hospital does with a baby. My midwife is a CNM, but she is well known for being hands off. So we are very happy with her approach. This is my 4th baby and I am also a doula. So I deal with this stuff quite often professionally at hospitals. Just be prepared, take charge, and don't give them the option to argue with you.
                        I'm incredibly interested to know what your waiver says and where you printed it. I have several issues that I am going to address with my OB at my next appointment, including leaving the hospital hours after birth. The nearest birth center is two hours from me (quite a long ride for me with prenatal visits and a VERY long ride since I liked to labor at home as long as possible with my daughter) and my husband is extremely uncomfortable with the idea of a homebirth. So I seem to still be headed down the hospital path and I am very worried about the legality issue popping up it's ugly head when I have different ideas.

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                        • #13
                          oh my gosh! where do you live!? I had my daughter at a hospital and they never said a word about cosleeping-I only used that plastic bed as a changing table.
                          Bottom line: You are the mother. I wouldn't talk to them about it at all, just do it. what will they do? ask you to leave? ugh, I don't understand how seemingly educated people(dr.'s and nurses) can be so ignorant sometimes

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                          • #14
                            I had my daughter in NY 2 years ago and they were the same way with making her sleep in the bassinet. I just slept lightly and made it seem like I was awake each time the nurses came in the room. She really spent no time in the plastic bassinet. I recently noticed we are the only family around who doesn't have a standard newborn pic of our child in the bin with the last name card hovering above it.

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