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having a boy :$

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  • having a boy :$

    Hi;
    I could use a little support. We just found out we are having a baby boy. And I am beyond freaking out. I am so nervous. I am excited and happy that everything looks like the baby is healthy, but I am just really nervous about the boy aspect. I never felt like this when I was pregnant with my daughter. I am so worried about the societal expectations. I feel like for the most part all of my AP ways were accepted by family and society as a whole because I had a little girl. But I am really nervous about how people are going to react to a boy. It seems like the pressure for boys to be tough, and independent is so strong I am just nervous about the pressures. I know they won't change how I parent, but I also worry I might flip out on someone and I don't want to model that behavior to my children. I'm also really nervous about the relationship with a little boy. I have such a strong bond with my daughter. I worry about my relationship with a boy. My husband doesn't have a good relationship with his mom, she's a little nuts. But I just worry about having the same thing happen with this child. Anyone have any wonderful mom experiences to share about being AP with their little boys and what their relationships are like?

  • #2
    I have a 28 month old son and am expecting another baby and I really hope I have another boy, but funny enough everyone one in my extended family really wants me to have a girl. I cannot tell you how much I love my son. He is funny, caring, sweet and makes us laugh on a daily basis. We have taught him to be really great with our cats and kind to everyone he meets. He always says thank you and bye to everyone he meets - no matter the age and he is just happy to be with us, his grandparents, or having new experiences. I think alot of this is that we have no expectations of him meeting the societal norm. We just want him to be himself, we came to this conclusion when we tried to socialize him after pressure from a set of his grandparents. It went horribly wrong, he had terrible experiences and he became withdrawn and very upset. At this I realized that we have raised him to be just wonderful the way he is.
    We have followed AP principles from the beginning and I never thought of it as boy versus girl or how it would be different. I get alot of flack for how I choose to raise my son, but no-one has ever said that my son isn't tough or independent. He is very into doing everything is own way and he loves to be included in everything we do, he loves to be shown how to do things and then try them himself. I think if you have succeeded wonderfully with your daughter you will do just as well with your son, that is how I am looking at it with my next child. I really do not want a daughter, but I figure, if we find out we are having a girl, I am not changing a thing as to how we raise her, as it works for our family and it keeps a peace and happiness within our family. Sorry for rambling, but this is a button issue with me and how AP makes "wusses" out of boys, this isn't true. I have found that for me, it has made my son even more independent, willing to try things and happier over all. Good luck.

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    • #3
      I felt the same way you are when I found out I was having a girl. I think you'll be able to handle raising a boy the same way you have probably done with your daughter. You have probably already dealt with a lot of these same issues, with what is expected of a girl. For me personally, I was very uncomfortable with the societal thought that she has to always wear pink, play dress up, love princesses, dolls, etc. I was also extremely nervous about the teen years - her not liking me, all of the stereotypes I hear about teen girls, makeup, clothing, boyfriends. But with the way we are raising her it really doesn't matter what gender she is.

      I do understand what you mean though. I just think with your values you will be able to handle this well

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      • #4
        I feel the exact same way as you. I don't know if we're having a boy or girl yet, but my husband (and his family...we have deep down issues though we're fine on the surface) has totally different views on parenting than I do, though he generally goes along with my lead for our daughter. I just know a boy will be different though. He tells my daughter sometimes to "Toughen up," and I KNOW that will be a million times more his sentiment if we have a son. Luckily my daughter tells him "Daddy, YOU toughen up and deal with it" or "I AM tough- I have to deal with you, don't I?" or other funny things and he softens.

        It sounds like you and your husband are on the same page, at least. Team up and know that YOU as parents are the ones calling the shots. If anyone questions you or your son, ask them if they enjoyed raising their own children, and when they respond, smile and thank them for their respect while you do the same. It works especially well with people who have no children...

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