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  • Funeral

    Thoughts on when it is OK to have your child come to a calling hours?
    Death is never easy no matter how old we are, I understand but when do we introduce this part of life to our children?

  • #2
    I personally dont like funerals never been to one either, i dont think kids need to go per say, should be a choice when they are old enough, just my 2 cents


    • #3
      I know this doesn't really help, but I think it depends on the kid and their relationship to the deceased.

      My son was 3 when his grandpa died. They were very close. But I did not bring him to the funeral, the wake, or any "funeral related" activities. My son is very sensitive and I knew he wouldn't handle it well.

      Last November, his great-grandpa died. Great-grandmother wanted all the great-grandkids at the funeral. My son, quite a bit older this time, did not handle it well, especially when everyone was crying. My daughter however, (who was a mere fetus at Grandpa's funeral) had no problem with great-grandpa's.

      Great-Grandpa's funeral was open-casket, which DS did not tolerate well, but DD had NO problem with it.

      I remember one specific incident from great-grandpa's funeral. My DH was giving the eulogy, and started to cry during it. Seeing him cry made me cry. DS, who is very affected by emotions around him, started crying because his Mom and Dad were crying. It was just a bad situation all around, because I was trying to comfort him but was a mess myself because DH was still crying.

      I took the kids home immediately afterward and did not go to the burial.


      • #4
        children shouldnt be given some false story/vision of death....depending on what age they are and how well u know them they u think they could somewhat handle the truth of death and what happens, then I think they should be told.


        • #5
          I agree, I think it's very child/age/situation dependent.

          My ODS was 2 when my great-grandma died. The viewing was held very near us. I took him to the viewing and kept him at the back of the chapel (I personally had ZERO intention of "viewing" anyway, particularly since I was there right after she passed away). My G.G. adored children and having a child there seemed to make the day easier. I left him at home for the church service.

          When my great-aunt died my ODS was 3 or 4. We saw her a lot in her last days so I was up front about what was happening. He did not understand and was a bit upset (ie worried that we were going to die), but I felt it best to be honest with him.

          Kids can't really understand death until age 7 or so. Really I think it's a balancing act between what's best for YOUR child and what's best for other funeral attendants.