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Lots of Crying

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  • Lots of Crying

    My daughter is just over 3 and my husband and I are having a really hard time with her and how we respond to her. I would like to say we are attached parents and have been since she was an infant. Although I can honesty say I wonder when people write in to this forum and say I am an attached parent, I ask myself are we practicing that? We like our daughter to go to bed in her bed (sometimes it takes us an hour or two to get her to bed) and then when she wakes she comes in our bed. She nurses one time a day, some days more. And I try to stay positive and loving, I am familiar with the 8 principles. The reason I am writing in is because my daughter seems to cry a lot. even when she was two days old, the nurse brought in the video, Happiest Baby on the Block. Most of the time I can work with her and sooth her, however lately it has been so irritating. She goes to bed crying she wakes up crying she cry's all the time. once she is done she has a great personality and is so fun to be with.
    this morning she woke up earlier than normal and wanted me to get up right away with her and then began to kick me in the back. My husband told her she needed to get out of the bed if she was going to kick so he helped her out of the bed the second time she kicked and she spent about 10 minutes crying and trying to get back in and my husband told her she needed to apologize. She goes to day care 2 days a week one week and 3 days the next. they are long days and she has been going since she was very young. I do wonder if the long days and being around different influences is and has been part of our problem. I feel she does not get enough sleep most days. she has never slept through the night and on days she is home with me she usually will not nap unless I drive her around. at school she sleeps an hour and a half.
    lately she will not let me do her hair or help her pick out anything to wear. the other day it did not even reach 60 degrees and she wore a sun dress to school. On Wed. she has gymnasticts and we had to get out of the house and she still was not dressed. I decided I would try to dress her against her will which did not feel right at all and a few seconds after she was dressed she undressed herself. I told her that I needed to get out of the house and I was going to go outside. Next thing she said was wait for me mommy and got dressed and we went to her class. but the anger and emotion to get to that point is aweful. Myself and my husband have been yelling at her and this is not what I want for her. for the first time, recently I have been having her sit on a thinking stool for about 1 minute because I do not know what else to do. I feel like she has all the control and her behavior has been very difficult.
    Sorry so long. Please help

  • #2
    First off, hang in there.

    Now, have you thought of allowing her some of her own natural consequences? You don't get dressed for gymnastics, you don't go. You don't let me fix your hair, you don't leave the house. I understand that on days for daycare she has to go, but if that is the case, then I would let her go with messy hair, it's her choice and perhaps when people ask her why her hair is messy, she will figure out that she likes it brushed. Picking out a sundress in cool weather comes with a built in consequence of being chilled.

    Don't yell, just allow her to feel the consequences of her own behavior. I agree with your dh, that if she is kicking you she needs to be removed, if she chooses to cry, that is her decision, but your decision is to not allow her to hurt you.

    But, please know that there is never a quick cure. This will take time, and I don't think time out will help at all.