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feelings change when mama enters the room!

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  • feelings change when mama enters the room!

    Can I get others' ideas about what may be going on here?
    Our daughter is 9 months old. her separation anxiety from me coincided with the very day she began to crawl. the need to explore physically balancing the need to stay safe emotionally - amazing!

    However, just wondering what may be going on with this: When my partner is with her, or we have visitors, she is very happy and will play easily, etc. If I walk into the room, or she spots or hears me, however, she begins the noises/facial expressions indicating that she seems distressed. (She is going through intense teething difficulty right now, as well as recovering from mild flu/diaper rash).

    Is this a case of, when I am around, she is feeling safe/vulnerable enough to express the pain she may be experiencing from her teething and related physical discomforts? She will literally begin crawling away from people toward me when i enter the room, almost in a panic with distress face, despite that she was very happily playing and being played with, seconds earlier. Then in my arms, where she clearly wants to be, she continues needing reassurance/settling. That to say, I am not an immediate relief to her. she seems to fuss more when I'm with her. Within minutes, if I put her down and leave the room, she'll get distracted with daddy and begin playing happily with him again, now that I'm not present.

    My partner is only able to spend his daddy time with her throughout the day now when I am out of sight, becuase this seems to be the only time she is her cheerful self with him (only when I'm not in sight)

    would love your take,
    thanks!

  • #2
    I'm pretty sure that this is VERY common in an attached child of this age.......both of mine were to a certain degree so it feels normal to me!

    Is this a case of, when I am around, she is feeling safe/vulnerable enough to express the pain she may be experiencing from her teething and related physical discomforts?
    I interpret it as us (as adults) going to a work party, then coming home and talking about our day to our spouse. We can do the chit chat, hullaballo social distraction stuff but when we get home to where it is safe we relax and tell our close person about the dumb stuff that happened all day or the pain in our knee.

    You know, I even notice a little of this with our 5 year old. He is pretty sensitive still, certainly not as drastic as a baby, but even older kids save their most vulnerable feelings for those who they feel closest too.

    I think in your daughter's case it is very develpmental in combination with her personality. My second child is VERY outgoing and is minimally affected by my coming and going most of the time (yet when he needs me is very clear and persistant!) My first is build less gregarious and behaves more like your child.

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    • #3
      Thanks N,
      Your analogy to ourselves and our behaviour as adults is very helpful in understanding her behaviour.
      Many thanks, as always for sharing.
      L

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      • #4
        I'm gald I was helpful. Have a good day!

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