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Help and advice really needed

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  • Help and advice really needed

    Howdy.. i have posted a few times, but feel I need to post again re: my now 18 mnth daughter. She is very social, bright and alert and we have a good, attached rship, for the most part. Rcently, I have felt extremely burnt out. We moved to Brazil from the States a year ago, almost - i am from the UK, but US had been my dear home for 9 years and moving was dreadful for me. I have not adjusted and it has put a rift btwn me and my husband. I have been depressed and down and wish I was with my friends and my family for support. My husband is a really good man and embraced AP as much as he can, with some slip ups, but he is really insightul when he does yell or something and apologises and loves my daughter and they have a great rapport.

    This mild depression has me crying, usually every other day. My daughter continues to wake and nurse back to sleep about 6 times a night and longest stretch is 3 -3 1/2 hrs sleep - I am extremely sleep deprived and very tired and sometimes I don't think straigt. Some times in the night, I just want it over and feel frustrated, not with her, although it feels like it, but with the whole situation. She has started biting my nipples and they are very sore - very.She did it before, but then I spent 2 mnths in the UK with my parents where I felt much happier and she stopped - leads me to think it is more emotional than anything. SHe has had a lot of teeth come in sicne we've been back, it may be part this, but I blame myself. I blame myself for the agner and irritation I feel sometimes at night - swearing in my head, or under my breath when I am very tired and having a tense body etc.... although, by the 3rd waking and i've had some sleep I don't mind it and find it cosy etc. Last night she bit my nipple and a yelped - it was so sore and she started crying a lot. Tonight, after a pretty good day and a good evening, eating, playing, laughing and having fun, she almost got hit by a large water bottle she was playing with and started crying and she was very tired cos' only had 1/2 hr nap - when she usually has 2 - 2 1/2 hr nap and then she tried biting my nipple, I yelled and then my husband did and she started really, really getting upset for about 45 mins crying and moving her body back and forth, wanting to go outiside and only calming down a little when we did. It was very distressing and I feel awful - just awful. My husband and I practice positive discipline, but were advised to yell about nipple biting and also we yelled at her earlier about trying to climb some dangerous stairs, but we save that for the dangerous acts - although she just found that funny. ANything to do with the nipple, really, really gets her very upset.

    We have been respectfully discussing separating because of my dislike of living here and I think she feels that too. I need some guidance really bad.

    Thank You.

  • #2
    I want to send you all my warmest thoughts, it really sounds like you are going through a rough time now.

    Personally, I belive the advice you have been given about yelling when your girl bites the nipple, is bad advice. Sometimes we can´t help but yell as the pain can be intense, but to yell as a way to make her stop may have some sad consequences. It can make her feel scared at the breast, as she assosiate the breast with the yelling, and with how scared she felt, and biting may increase instead of stop.

    When children bite the breast is is often a sign that they are full, that they are scared or it may be a way of carressing.

    Biting needs to be delt with ut there are options to choose instead of yelling. I think it is important to find out in what situations the biting accurs. Children often bites at the end of a breast-meal, their teeth clasps together, nd you can feel the bite coming a few seconds in advance. If you suspect that she might bite, have your finger ready an gently insert it between her teeth as the bite comes, to prevent her from hurting you. After a short period this type of biting stops.

    If the child bites at latch-on, it is sometimes because she is a bit scared. This occurs often when a child has been yelled at when breastfeeding. If this is the case, take your time, talking her into the breast with soft voice and calm manner, assuring her that nothing bad will happen. Children really sense their mothers feeling, specially when nursing. So keeping it calm is important - as much as possible. Not always easy, I know...

    Sometimes when children nurse at night, there is a danger that their latch deteriorates during the nursing session - they slip a bit as they fall a sleep, and maybe so do you. The result van be that they hold on to the nipple by their teeth, causing bitepains. The onlty cure for this is to stay more alert during the nursing, and correct or brake a bad lacth. Difficult to do when so tired as you describe, but nessecary if this is the cause of the bitingpain.

    I have to run, life calls, just wanted to say a bit about this biting.

    All the best wishes to you in your difficult adjustment period!

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    • #3
      Thank You

      Thank you for this, I feel this is right. My husband and I are not going to do this - the advice came from an attached Mamma and so I thought it was ok - and that time in the night, I couldn't help it, it was so sore!! but I will not do it again, I felt awful doing it in the first place - hate yelling, not my natural nature AT ALL, came from a very non-yelling household. Anyway, thank you. Also, I have been working on this turn of events in our nursing rship and we often have a laugh and a giggle about the nipples and I have been working on doing that more and having a good time and breaking the association. Also, will try and be more calm too, just so tired.

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      • #4
        My dd went through a couple of phases of biting while nursing. The increased vigilance and pro-active un-latching really helped us. She got the message pretty quickly, and never got upset about it. I also got in the habit of saying "no biting, gentle nursing" or something like that in a soothing voice before we nursed, and if I had to unlatch her. Pretty soon, she started saying it when she wanted to nurse "nur, no bie"

        We also did kind of the same thing to deal with pinching and grabbing of my breast while nursing. I would say "gentle" very nicely and take her hand and help her gently pat or stroke my breast. Sometimes I would also say something like "ouch, that hurts mama" and make a hurt face, but still keep my tone of voice calm. That way it's not punitive for her, but lets her know how it is affecting me.

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