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Toddler hyper only with hyper grandma - help

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  • Toddler hyper only with hyper grandma - help

    My mother in law has always been an entertainer with my daughter, making loud noises, giggling, jumping up and down and doing all the things with her that get her really excited - too excited. I think she does it because she thinks that my daughter has to feel that way around her. Up until recently I have kind of managed talked to her about it asking her to please try to be a calmer with my daughter because she gets out of control when she is so excited, but if anything my mother in law got worse, and does way more things to get my daughter to her hyperness. We live with them so I am in a tough position. I have no problem with my daughter getting excited but for the last 4 month or so she is almost out of control every time she sees grandma, she can't walk down the stairs holding someones hand, she trips, throws things screams.. endangering herself and others around her, but each time it is right after my grandmother winds her up. SO my question is how to deal wtih it. I know take deep breaths and everything will be okay but it;s not okay because today she almost fell on a chair because grandma was outside waving and jumping up and down so of course she did the same thing. my husband thinks i am jealous, well i am not i have had bad days with my daughter because i over react but i do not need her to be giggling all the time. i just want her to be safe, i am tired of her banging her head, getting bruises all over her leg because she is so hyper. i have tried telling my daughter to calm down but how can i tell her that if my mother in law is there jumping up and down and super hyper. i know that sometimes it's good to be like that but my mother in law is always like that with her and this over-excitement always ends up in a tantrum

    help!.. i love my mother in law, it may not sound like it but i do, but i love my daugher more and need her to be safe.

    any thoughts
    Last edited by enigmameli; 01-08-2011, 08:13 AM. Reason: wrong title

  • #2
    That does sound tough! I know it's especially difficult since you live with her. Your MIL sounds like she is trying to be the best grandma she can be, and to her, that means engaging with your daughter with a high level of energy! Is there a way you can take breaks? If there are certain times of day, or just certain days in general when you can be out of the house for some calm one-on-one time? Finding ways to have some regular calm time alone might be the most effective thing to do here.

    And I understand about the bumps & bruises because she is so excited she falls or bonks herself on something...As she grows she'll become more aware of her body, and will hurt herself less...she'll be able to handle excitement with more coordination. I'm wondering what your MIL thinks when she sees your daughter get hurt because she made her so overly excited? Does she notice the physical effect her well-intentioned enthusiasm has on her? My main concern would be to help her connect to her granddaughter in different ways. Maybe you could suggest some activities they can do together that involve sitting and focusing, like puzzles or stories? Actually, a story might be a great way to channel her energy...all those voices and characters & sound effects she could do!

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    • #3
      i've tried the puzzles, lego, books.. everything but since my MIL needs her to be excited it makes no difference. as for the bumps and bruises my MIL thinks it is my daughters fault she does not understand that her behavior causes these, all my MIL sees is that my daughter is so happy end excited to see her and that i is all she cares about. it's always been like that, from the day she was born..

      i have thought about confronting her but my MIL has issues of her own and she will misunderstand and think that i don;t want her to spend time with my daughter, or that i am jealous of my daughters excitement with her, which i am not by the way.. so i am kind of lost i spoke to friends and family and they are just lost as well because i am in her house. also my husband is afraid of her so he thinks confronting her would be a disaster..

      thank you for your thoughts though, i really appreciate it. i do try to get out as much as possible with my daugthet and we do have one on one time a lot

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      • #4
        Does your toddler really only get bumps and bruises after grandma has wound her up? A lot of toddlers can be a bit clumsy. I totally agree about not jumping on chairs, etc., so I really hear your concern, but maybe it would help for you to view this as a phase in your daughter's development.

        Sometimes it really is fun for kids to have a "special" friend or relative they play silly, crazy, physical games with, so I wouldn't view your MIL's conduct as a totally bad thing. For instance, waving and jumping up and down seems like a pretty good outlet for toddler energy, but of course you need to make sure chairs, coffee tables and other furniture aren't in the way. What about setting aside one room in your house that's a relatively safe place for that kind of play, and then telling your MIL to please try to keep the physical stuff in there so your daughter doesn't get hurt.

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