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Question about ten year old boys

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  • Question about ten year old boys

    *waves* Poking in here for some advice. My nephew is 10 (10.5 if you ask him hehe) and boy is he giving my sister fits. He is highly gifted and I only mention this because I think it may come into play. He's also a bit socially immature (even when compared to other boys his age I'd venture to say). However what is bugging my sister (and me, and my parents hehe) is that he is so darned negative. He always points out the negative in any situation - if someone is walking down the street and he has a hole in his shirt, he'll comment to himself or to us. Just little things like this.

    Is this a 10 year old thing, a boy thing or just my nephew? I'm an optimist and his pessimism drives me cuckoo! hehe We have a close relationship (he's the first grandchild and his birth saved my life as I was in a very dark part of my life when he was born) so I know that I can talk to him about things. I just want him to be a happy kid, ya know?

  • #2
    melissa,
    i used to teach middle school, so been around a few pre-teens, that's why i'm nosing in here.

    you mention that he's socially immature, but very smart. this makes me wonder if perhaps he feels compelled to speak when he notices things, but doesn't have the social skills to know what is appropriate to say? would you or his mom be able to help him come up w/what he could say? i'm thinking social stories here, sound familiar?

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    • #3
      LOL social stories have come in handy more times than I could count, I actually hadn't thought of one in this situation but I think it would be a good idea.

      I do try to work with him on understanding that sometimes it is okay to just not comment on things or point out something similar (like yesterday, I had a hole in my pants so I said "see, look, I have a hole in my clothes too!). I think I'll work a social story into it. Great idea.

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      • #4
        i'm also wondering if maybe there's something bothering him? you know, the old, if i feel good, i act good, or something along those lines. maybe he's trying to communicate something on that level? IDK, i'm just thinking out loud here since i don't know him personally. pre-teen is tough. so many hormones revving up, it could be that, too.

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        • #5
          I think hormones definitely have a part in it, I just tell my sister "welcome to the most fun eight years of your life" heheh

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          • #6
            I just want to pipe in, and say - that would drive me nuts! I am so hopelessly optimistic about everything (even my house that we put up for sale this spring LOL)
            Just a bit of negative thinking from my spouse, coworkers, family gets to me, where I feel the need to refute it even when they are well within normal when they speak of things in the negative.

            doreen

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            • #7
              Originally posted by Doreen View Post
              I just want to pipe in, and say - that would drive me nuts! I am so hopelessly optimistic about everything (even my house that we put up for sale this spring LOL)
              Just a bit of negative thinking from my spouse, coworkers, family gets to me, where I feel the need to refute it even when they are well within normal when they speak of things in the negative.

              doreen
              We are kindred spirits Doreen.

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              • #8
                Wow! I thought I was alone...

                My son is soon-to-be-9 and gifted, also. He has the same issue with negativity. The hurtful thing, is that he'll express these awful thoughts and words to his younger brother (turning 7 next week).

                I talk with him about how hurt his brother feels when he says mean things.

                I try to separate the older son and ask him privately if he's feeling angry or sad about something (which he often is), and then give him space to express himself.

                I talk with both of my children about all the choices we have in our lives. For example, we can look at a hot day and complain about how uncomfortable it is, or rejoice at the opportunity to go play at the beach. The way we view the world and the attitude we carry into it is completely within our control.

                And I remind myself that this presents a great opportunity *for me* to practice being unconditionally loving towards someone who might be acting in a-difficult-to-love manner. What a great example I can offer to my children, when I show them that my love for them is not based upon their attitudes, or behaviors, or expressions. I hope they can learn from me and spread that unconditional love to others throughout their lives...

                Warmly, Jessica Feltz Wolfson

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                • #9
                  Thanks Jessica - very good point about using it as an opportunity for you (and me!) to practice the unconditional love.

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