He has regressed in many ways, and finally I have accepted this regression after 11 weeks of fighting it, but still I get SOOOO mad when he hurts the baby. He just lashes out sometimes, today for instance I bent down to talk to him and he randomly punched DS2 (in sling) on back of his head, causing him to scream hysterically. All I want to do in this instance is to throw DS1 across the room and shout at him. I managed to restrain, but still I grabbed his arm (for the millionth time) and said gruffly 'no we don't hit', 'gentle with baby'.
I'm making sure I have 'special time' with DS1, explaining as much as I can what's going on, talking his feelings back to him, letting him get involved with washing/changing baby etc and doing my best to be respectful given how knackered I am, but this is really really frustrating me, and every time I am getting angry. For a while after these incidents I feel so annoyed at DS2 and want to be mean to him, I hate feeling like that.
I'm sure he is picking up on my agressive response in these situations and perhaps this is making him worse, but really the last thing I feel capable of doing is whispering in his ear and being calm, like I know I should.
I recognise I have a lot of anger from the way I was raised and am trying to work through this, but I wonder, how can I teach my LO to be gentle and not hit/push etc?? Will it just come with time and repetiton of me and DH explaining? It feels like he has had the pushing thing (with other kids) for at least a year now, but it has escalated with arrival of DS2.
The fire of protection inside is quite incredible when my darling baby is being hurt or made to cry with shouting by my other LO. I never knew I was capable of such negative feelings towards DS2 which makes me really sad. :O(
Also I wonder if sling wearing is making him more jealous? I never considered this would be an issue before, but for DS2 if baby is constantly on me, then that is extra attention he is not getting? In tribes the sling wearing would be shared with other family members so I guess it wouldn't be an issue. I am starting to question sling wearing in a Western nuclear family setting, but I can't do it any other way, that's where my babies belong.