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  • HELP!!!!!

    Hello Everyone,

    I haven't been here in a while and to say I am struggling with my 4yr old daughter wld be an understatement.

    I won't bore you with the details, and 90% or so I am the AP parent, gentle discipline etc...

    however, I have had my fair share of yells, angry outbursts, angry picks up and arm grabs... I know I have and I know this is when I am tired/overwhelmed etc

    this evening, I had one of these moments...after working so so so hard to be patient in a situ and after a great day... my duaghter did something.

    I totally over reacted pulled her up by her pj's and marched her to her room, and b/c she was hanging she banged in to the door - and at that moment, my rage meant I didn't even care and then I practically threw in to the bed...

    I am just horrified and I am just not sure I can do this parenting on my own, anymore....

  • #2
    How are you feeling I know it's been a few days since you posted this. That must have been a very scary experience for you. I would definitely listen to those feelings of being overwhelmed and needing support. 4 can be a very trying age, I feel like at 4 they have had 4 years to learn your every button and the quickest path to mommy meltdown. They don't do it on purpose but they just know us so well.

    What do you need to help you stay balanced. Do you have other people, friends, family, is Dad around? that can step in, in these types of situations? Maybe a neighbor you can call and say can you just come over and give me a break. Or a close friend that you can call, and just say I'm freaking out talk me off the edge. I think having someone you can call when you are at your breaking point can be a critical life line. So that when you are feeling overwhelmed and like you are going to do something you might regret, instead of attending to the situation in that moment you pick up the phone.

    I remember one day I was putting my son down for a nap, when I came out my daughter 3 at the time had gotten into my make up and used every last ounce of it to decorate the bathroom, my carpet with the mascara and had stopped up the sink with toilet paper and left the water running. I was beyond furious, but I stopped and called my husband and just told him what happened, he laughed so hard it broke the mood and I was able to get back in my rational mind, and respond more appropriately then I would have right away.


    • #3

      I am still struggling, and don't have her Dad around, but, have great parents...I just had another moment this morning, about once a week, once every 10 days - I call my parents they are amazing!!!!

      I am going to get counselling - again!

      I am going to contact my health visitor

      I feel I need help and struggling.

      Everything else in my life seems good, I just feel I have screwed this motherhood thing up, esp my aspirations to be a AP/gentle disc mother

      THANK YOU for your help...can we email one another x x x


      • #4
        Hi Reggie. This is a late response.
        I've read a lot of your posts and I have felt exactly like you have described. All I can say is take a breath or ten and everything will be okay, or at least that is what i keep telling myself. I get scared too, and I have no one to talk to except my mom who's thousands of miles away. I have a 4 year old daughter like you and she is amazing..and she knows how to push my buttons but my buttons are usually caused from exhaustion, i spend 24/7 with her.. and no I am not joking. I find my outburst like yours happen when i am exhausted or i've had and argument with my husband who doesn't help out at all. so in a sense i am a single parent too. I feel like i am screwing up motherhood a lot too, and my mom just says I can't screw it up I am the best mom for my little girl and so are you. You are doing your best I am sure. I apologize over and over when i screw up, and i cry myself to sleep staring at my little one and feeling so so ashamed and awful. When i wake up in the morning she's so happy like nothing happened and i have this knot in my stomach sometimes for days. I want to ask for help, but right now it's not working out at all- and my mom is too far. I'd love to be able to get out of that moment but somehow it blows up so fast. When i look back i can think of a million things i could have done to make sure I could just breath when my button was pushed and not react, most time i can breath but when i forget then tear flow.. including my own. You are not alone, those are the words that reassure me sometimes..even though most of the time I am.


        • #5
          Reggie and all above,
          I ,too, have had moments like these! I had a brief one at bed time just 30 minutes ago! The best thing we can do is apply the principle to ourselves: Respond with Sensitivity. Certainly our intentions are good or we would not be on this forum! But, we become flooded with our own baggage and emotions, we get stretched thin , and we wind up exhausted sometimes. When this happens, be kind to yourself! Apologize ( do not over-dramatize) and repair the relationship. It is incredibly helpful to have a friend who can listen to you rant for 20 or 30 minutes a week without interruption or judging. When we vent to a trusted adult, we are less likely to blow up at our kids!