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Relationship breakdown

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  • Relationship breakdown

    I have a very emotional 31 month toddler plus a very content 4 month old.My partner has just left us.My toddler is extremely close to his father and has been very aggressive/angry with everybody which Ive assumed is a mixture of his age and watching his parents relationship breakdown.He doesnt want to go to any of our usual activities which Im finding hard as I have no family close by and try to spend time with likeminded parents but my toddler doesnt want to go anywhere.If I insist he will shout/hit others and is very aggressive.Any ideas?

  • #2
    I'm sorry to hear you are going through a rough time. While I haven't been through your same experience, my husband is often called away from home and I have seen how his absence affects our children. What works for us is for me to spend one-on-one time with each of the children to make up for some of their missed time with Daddy. I hope you are able to find a way to help him adjust to this major change.

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    • #3
      I don't have any ideas but I wanted to give big (((hugs))). I'm sorry you guys are going through such a rough time.

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      • #4
        wow! that's tough! i'm not sure i'll be of much help, but it seems to me that it could really be a good thing that he's acting out. i mean, i would worry if he were showing NO emotions. it's the quiet ones that i always get concerned about.

        just a guess, but it could be that he wants to stay home to feel safe. he may be worried about all the changes and if he's home, he can make sure nothing else goes wrong. he may worry that if he leaves, HE won't be coming back, since daddy left the house and didn't come back. could you talk to him along those lines? i know he's young. man, keep us posted as to how things go...

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        • #5
          I'm so sorry you're going through this, I've never been through anything like this, so I don't know how much I can help. I agree with the PP's who have suggested trying to talk to him and reassure him, and help him work through this. You said your ds is very close to his dad, have they been in touch since your partner left? If not and his dad is willing, I'd make sure they have as much contact as possible, to help your ds know that his dad still loves him and is still there for him, ykwim?

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          • #6
            My DH and I have gone through horribly tense situations, which affected our children. I took them to therapy for it. For kids, it's called "play therapy." I stay in the room with them, and the counselor and I talk, and the kids "play" and she "plays" with them. I would highly suggest counseling.

            I agree that it's a GOOD SIGN that he is acting out, and with you! He trusts you, and is telling you how he feels. Let him take the lead, and ask him questions as well. Perhaps he feels his world is out of control. Are there times when he can be offered choices?? Like "we have to go to the bank and the grocery store. Which would you like to do first?"

            I would recommend the book "how to talk so kids will listen.......and listen so kids will talk." It goes through how to listen to your kids in various situations.

            Also, this must be hard on you!! So please take care of yourself. Kids need happy mommies!

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            • #7
              Originally posted by wondertaff View Post
              I have a very emotional 31 month toddler plus a very content 4 month old.My partner has just left us.My toddler is extremely close to his father and has been very aggressive/angry with everybody which Ive assumed is a mixture of his age and watching his parents relationship breakdown.He doesnt want to go to any of our usual activities which Im finding hard as I have no family close by and try to spend time with likeminded parents but my toddler doesnt want to go anywhere.If I insist he will shout/hit others and is very aggressive.Any ideas?
              Oh, what a difficult, stressful and emotional time for all of you!

              It sounds like your boy is nearly 3, which is a huge developemental time physically, emotionally and mentally anyway, is showing his hurt, frustration and confusion the only way he knows how- it sounds like he is letting of steam! I agree with what PaxMama suggested as he feels his home is stable and secure for him and he cannot take the inconsistency of a new situation right now. I know when my life is spinning out of control or overwhelming I look for shelter from the storm and usually that shelter is my home- its my haven. I am able to mostly control what happens in my house and that is important when I feel helpless in other areas of my life with little or no control.

              I also hear that YOU need connection to. This must be overwhelming. Can you invite friends to your house, maybe one at a time to play? Can you ask a friend over to watch your little girl while you and your boy dig in the dirt for 20 minutes or, take a walk, just you two? Can you ask him how he is feeling, maybe offer him a way to express his emotions. Like saying, wow, you must be feeling so angry right now.... And just wait to see if that opens any dialogue?

              I feel for you, I hope we can offer support to you here!

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