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How I dealt with urge to yell.

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  • How I dealt with urge to yell.

    So my 3yr old (4yrs in a week) has been trying my patience with safety towards himself and his brother.
    Of course that is my main trigger for getting angry and I have been finding myself raising my voice in fear and shock at some of the dangerous choices he starts to make. Pulling the baby towards the stairs for example....with the idea of teaching him to climb down them...but its sooo scary!
    Ah! So anyway, we talked about it the other night and I said I was sorry for yelling at him and that even if I feel scared or angry I still don't need to yell. I also asked him to say "mommy, please don't yell at me" if I forget and yell. So yesterday, whenever I felt like it was coming the "THAT IS SO DANGEROUS< PLEASE STOP DOING THAT" yelling ( the words I would use in my yelling were nicer I guess, but the tone totally negated that) I would say "I feel like I am going to yell" and then he would say "please don't yell at me mommy". We would have that momment of connection and then he was more willing to listen to my concern and work with me for a soultion. The yelling was pushing him over the edge to keep doing it!
    We are under a little stress at my house so my paitience is a lot less then normal, so I had to make an ajustment. What have worked for you when you felt like you were going to yell?

  • #2
    <<Looking for the smiley who is eating popcorn...>> I have a 2.5yr old so I'm really looking forward to the responses in this one!

    Good strategy Naomi!

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    • #3
      walking away works best for me. of course, in the middle of dangerous situations, you have to make everyone safe before leaving. i've been known to lose my cool, too. is there a mother who hasn't?

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      • #4
        I guess when situation is getting worst I try to relax and calm myself to think for much better action...I try to control myself to yell as mush as possible...

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        • #5
          First, I try to make sure I'm taking care of myself -- am I getting enough sleep, have I eaten lately, have I taken some me-time for myself? So, I try to be proactive, make sure I feel good and positive.

          Second, in the heat of the moment, I announce to my child (2 y/o) that "I'm very angry, frustrated, disappointed, etc." -- whatever the emotion is. This is more for my benefit, I think, as it helps me to get my feelings out and feel that I've been heard.

          I also have a "code" of sorts. I point to my ear and ask my child to listen. She drops what she's doing to do the motion with her hand, so I know I got her attention.

          If all else fails -- I've tried to discipline and my chld is still doing the behavior -- I take a time-out...for myself...so I can quickly clear my head and think about how to handle the situation. I, of course, try to make sure my children will be safe while I'm in my time-out, which is 30 seconds or less. But the time-out is really good for me if my child is testing my limits a lot. I also find that my child search me out if I get up and get out -- finding me and asking me what I'm doing, at which time I start over by stating my feelings and talking it out.

          I also focus on teaching my 2 y/o how to behave around the baby; what she can do to help and what is not helpful.

          Lastly, if you do yell -- which is a difficult behavior to change once you're into it -- remember to take the time to apologize and reconnect. It helps immensely, both in alleviating your guilt and modeling positive behavior to your child. Plus, you can think about how you could've handled the situation differently, when it happens in the future.

          Just a few ideas,

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