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Highneeds first child

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  • Highneeds first child

    I have two lovely children, and one VERY understanding husband. Every so often I totally flip out with Burnout.
    I don't know if I'm asking for any help or just need to hear that its all ok.
    Our first child nearly put us totally off children until I learnt about AP, then life changed for the better.
    Our first is HIGHNEEDS. You can almost see her bouncing off the walls. My husband and I are just left panting at the end of the day, and me often in tears.
    I really thought it was just my parenting style until our second child came along. Very very different.

    But we are worried. Is it just highneeds. Some days I wonder. But would I do anything different? Our second child can go for hours alone playing still a baby not yet walking or talking but our first can't handle playing alone or even being alone.
    Was it the parenting style I used before discoving AP which has set her up this way. In fear of loosing us?
    I feel I give all my time to my children and have none for myself. My highneeds is like a broken cup, never happy with anything I can give.

    Thank you for listening

  • #2
    My two are very different as well. I've parented them pretty similarily, so I think it's just personality.

    How old is your first? Maybe he will be able to be able to handle less of your attention as he gets older.My son also found it very hard to play independently (unlike his sister) it wasn't until about 4 years old that he seemed to be able to do it. And even then, not for too long. Slowly, he is getting more and more independant but I think he has a very low "independance drive". Also, he is quite social and extroverted so he would almost never choose to play alone if there was any option of playing with someone else.

    I know that feeling of never seeming to be able to give enough. That too is improving with DS's age.


    • #3
      Getting older

      Yes I hope that this is the case.
      Our first is nearly 4.
      Its good to hear that there seem to be similarity. We have very few AP's here...none really and I've no idea if there are any highneeds children. we just feel a little alone.

      One day at a time eh.


      • #4

        I am sure it is nothing you did different that affected your first born. My firstborn DD is now 3 years old and she is high needs as well. I AP'd her since birth and our second DS has been AP'd since birth (now almost 1) and they are night and day. He too is so easy and self-reliant. They all have such different personalities. The key is finding what works for each one, and it will be different for each one. There are several books you can read regarding spirited personalities and high needs children. They may help you find some ideas on how to work with your child so that you do not get so burnt out. I remember reading too that it does get easier as they get older, although the high needs children tends to take a little longer to get there.

        Hang in there Mama! I'm sure you are doing a great job!!



        • #5
          Highneed Child

          It has been awhile since your post but I thought I would offer my thoughts. I too have a high need or high demand child. She is now 2 1/2 and still demands that I do everything with her. When she started to walk at 10 months I had to stand all day long so she wouldn't crawl in my lap and breastfeed for fun. I was always exhausted. She still wakes in the middle of the night looking for me even though I'm sleeping next to her in the same bed. I listened to audiobooks for advice and insight. I scoured the internet for something...I guess help. I thought I was doing everything right but I felt like the results were all wrong. I kept her attached to me but I wasn't allowed a bathroom break or solid night sleep or even a time to actual sit for a meal. It is terrible to say but I couldn't understand how parents could have multiple children. My marriage even took a turn to the unknown. It is still hard today but I can better manage myself so I don't let her exhaust me.

          The best I can offer is find someone you trust to give you a break even if it is just 5 minutes. Retire early in the evening so you can get a little morning meditation. Just remember they will not always need us in this high demand way. They grow and mature. So steal as many kisses and hugs as you can.

          "It too shall pass."


          • #6
            I also have a high needs 1st child and a more self-sufficient second baby. Wonder if it's the fact that they happen to be 1st born and high needs?? I think no matter how hard we try to raise them similarly, it's not the same. Second babies always have to share their mommy time with the 1st. Just a thought. Don't know what to do about it though!?!?