I am a "new mom" to 3 girls. My family has been through too many changes over the last 3 years and I am honestly lost and exhausted.
My husband and I married in 2007. We have no family (his is deceased and mine is all in Brazil, while we live in USA). In 2009 we got pregnant of our first daughter. At the same time we participated in a mission and met a 12yo orphan from Ukraine with whom we fell in love. So when my baby girl was about 20 days old, my husband left me in USA and spent 6 weeks in there, adopting our daughter (who at the time was already 13).
They came home the Sunday my daughter turned 3mo, and the day before I went back to work (work refused to allow me to stay home longer, and I could not afford to stop working after spending $28.000 in an adoption).
Therefore, we went from the 2 of us, to 2 kids. My 13yo spoke no English, was emotionally at an 8 or 9yo stage, and required LOTS of attention and teaching. My 3mo was... well 3mo... And to make it more complicated I had to work.
We worked tons, fought in school, spent tons of time with both of them... and by "surprise" we did get pregnant again.
So fast forward now, We have a very OVERWHELMING situation...
- We have a 15yo who is thriving, but still has mild attachment issues, and needs a lot more attention than she is getting. She has caught up a lot but is still behind emotionally... I'd say at a 11 or 12yo level... She helps a lot with her sisters but is suffering because we have no much time for her.
- We have a 2y2mo child who is having the HARDEST time adjusting. First that somewhere in the end of pregnancy my milk kind of dried. She was about 18mo and weaned of saying that it was all done. She is very needy, clingy, crying for everything, craving for attention (and searching for the negative attention), will only want to stay with me, will not allow sisters to be even close to me (will hit, push, etc if any of her sisters are on me). She will want me to hold her, etc
- We have a 4mo who is being breastfed, sleeps in one of those bassinets that attach to my bed, and nurses on demand when I am home (which since I went back to work means almost every hour).
- My husband works as a teacher, and I am a physical therapist working Monday through Thursday from 8 till 2pm.
We are exhausted. I am really not sure how to juggle it all. My 2yo needs so much attention and reassurance that we don't get much with the other 2 kids. But because we are still trying to give some time to the other 2 (specially baby who is fed), we dont end up giving much to the 2yo at all. I can't get anything done, the house is a mess, and we barely get dinner, and laundry done.
I have a baby carrier, but for some reason the 4mo fusses when on the carrier. I actually have started putting the 2yo on the carrier. She loves it, but she is kind of big and covers my view, so I can't really cook or do much stuff. And if the 2yo is on the carrier, the baby is alone on the swing (which makes me feel bad).
I guess we are in a cycle where we have no energy to do anything. I have no energy to run, clean, organize, work, nothing. By the time my 2yo is in bed (about 8:30), we are ready to go home. My husband and I have not had any time alone since the baby is born. NONE.
I really need help figuring out how to give each child the time, care they need, at the same time not being so exhausted and being able to spend any "awake" time with my husband