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A monthly eNewsletter from API
April 2008
riderpackfoolA Fool For Love?  We Don't Think SO! 
 
At seven months, my son was happily guzzling his nights away at "Mom's Diner." One day I was at a playgroup with him when one of the mothers, her hair perfectly coiffed and fingernails freshly manicured, announced proudly to the group that she had weaned her seven month old baby and was delighted to get her body back. In contrast, there I was: still nursing on demand, sleep deprived, hair messy, and instead of losing weight, gaining it.  While as an API leader I now believe that all parents make these choices according to the unique needs of their family, and that one doesn't have to breastfeed to be attached, the feelings this mom aroused in me at the time were not the warm fuzzies.
 
Fast forward: At eighteen months my son regressed, and for two very scary years we didn't know why he'd lost all speech and eye contact. It took us two years to find a doctor who understood what was going on. My son's condition was the result of an autoimmune disease of the gut.  He was put on a gluten-free, casein-free, soy-free diet, and we got our son back
onto a normal developmental path. He
rapidly caught up with his peers and self-weaned one week before his fifth birthday.

Now, at eleven years of age, my son is indistinguishable from other kids in spite of chronic inflammatory bowel disease and the resulting severe allergies.  I feel certain that what helped protect his brain and body from devastating injury were the rich nutrients and immune factors in my breast milk.  Had I weaned him, I strongly doubt my son could have made his miraculous recovery from pervasive developmental delays.

No matter what parenting choices you make, following your heart can be daunting.  And that's why we are here for you!

If there isn't an API chapter where you are, please consider becoming a leader or co-leader. And if there is a group where you are, please give it your support by becoming a member.

 SamanthaGrayAPI Welcomes Executive Director Samantha Gray

From KPMG to the Peace Corps, from business owner to AP mother of three, API's new Executive Director, Samantha Gray, has a lot of experience to offer.

 

Samantha writes, "For me, serving the attachment parenting community and working with Attachment Parenting International is a lovely convergence of my work in parenting issues, nonprofit management, and development.

 

"I am excited to join the staff and volunteers of API because of the opportunity to meaningfully serve families in a creative, progressive, caring work environment.  It is easy for me to advocate for API because I believe in the mission and the approach, from the grassroots presence to information sharing and advocacy."

 

Welcome to API Samantha!

 

Read the full text of the press release here.

FredRogersWise Words 
 
Anything that we can do to help foster the intellect and spirit and emotional growth of our fellow human beings, that is our job. Those of us who have this particular vision must continue against all odds. Life is for service."
- Fred Rogers
Art YuenOn Having a Second Child 
by Art Yuen
 

When I was pregnant with my second child, I thought I knew what to expect.  I planned to just sling my baby and go on with life!  Oh, sure maybe my AP'd four year old would regress a bit with toileting, but nothing too awful.  Then reality happened. 

If I could do it all over, I'd try to expect the worst.  Since the worst is often unknowable until you find yourself knee deep in alligators, the best preparation is to have no expectations and accept that not everyone will be happy all the time.  Then learn the art of self care.  Beyond getting rest and eating well, clear your slate of outside commitments for at least six months after the baby is born.  Plan on going outside everyday after the first week or so.  Consult with multi-child parents, and most of all, arrange to maintain frequent contact with your network of supportive, understanding and helpful friends and family.  My API group and friends were lifesavers.

If hormones, stress, fatigue and the need for six more arms threatens to overwhelm you, learn to take a deep breath and administer self care.  Check your expectations and the motives behind a child's frustrating behaviors to guide your actions and reactions.  If yelling comes out instead of what you intended, administer self care and vow to do better.  Off balance is disconcerting, but a normal state for awhile. 

Going outside, being with friends, all this can help you keep perspective.  Rededicate yourself to just being present for both children everyday, but have your self care list ready - written even -- should you need it.

One last thing for which I wish I had been prepared was the power of parenting legacy.  For me, each child was perfectly parentable, but the new dynamic stirred a slumbering giant.  It was a huge surprise to realize that my past was directing my reactions, but once I understood the source of stress, I was able parent more effectively. 

Of course, every family is different, but I hope that sharing this perhaps will resonate with other families whose transition from one child to two was stormy, and maybe help the family planning on having a second.

Art Yuen is a co-leader for API-NYC and is API's Development Coordinator.  (She's also the Editor's best buddy! )

 

Thank you, Art, for all you do!

More Exciting Changes at API!
 
slings clusterInternational

API Speaks - The Blog of Attachment Parenting International

 

We are proud to announce the launch of the official API blog, API Speaks. As the voice for gentle parents everywhere, API Speaks will tell real stories of attachment parenting in the voices of the parents who are making the journey.

 

Please bookmark the link, subscribe to the RSS feed, and tell all of your friends about this new endeavor.

 

If you are a blogger interested in contributing to API Speaks, or know someone who is, contact Api Speaks.

 
readingwomanDo you love to read?

API has launched the Book of the Month and we want you to be a part of it! For the month of April and May we will be discussing the book Respectful Parents, Respectful Kids by Sura Hart and Victoria Kindle Hodson.

We will also be having a discussion with the authors at the end of May on our premium (nominal fee) forum. So, please come join us on the forum to take part in the discussion.

RosesMother's Day Dedications 
 
Do you have or know of someone who is a special mother?
 
Remember and honor every special woman in your life this by sending API's exclusive gift packages including customizable, published dedications. 
 
We have some really special gift packages in which you can do just that! Please go here to API's online store and look for the gift packages in the Merchandise section.
 
Check our Mother's Day page at the beginning of May to see your dedication listed!

So Many Needs, So Little TimeDr.Fox
A Delicate Balance

by Isabelle Fox, Ph.D.
Reprint from API News, September 2000

It's late afternoon. Fourteen month old Benjie is screaming to be held and hungers for a breast. Four year-old Jenny has her Legos all over the living room floor and needs some help with her construction. Tom, the dad, has just walked in and would really like to hop into bed with his wife, Jill. And Jill is aching to take a hot bath and pamper her body with a relaxing soak. All four members of the Jenkins family have reasonable wants. Each should expect that their needs can be satisfied. But how to balance, how to respect and how to satisfy everyone's cries and desires is an enormous challenge for today's caring and conscientious parents.

Unfortunately, there is a tremendous difference in the ability of the toddler to delay his plea for comfort and nourishment as compared to the mom and dad, who have the ability to wait and to plan ahead. Infants or toddlers who have their cries attended to promptly are learning that the adults in their lives are reliable and nurturing. They can begin to trust that the world is safe and predictable. They usually develop optimistic and positive attitudes that will serve them well throughout their years. Because of her ability to communicate, four year old Jenny is better able to tolerate her mother's delay in providing help. But this support by her mother must be provided in a timely manner so that Jenny feels valued. This will reinforce Jenny's sense of trust. Most empathic and involved parents intuitively understand such needs of children.

What may be more difficult to provide is the time and manner of meeting the needs of both Tom and Jill. During these early stressful years of child rearing, mothers and fathers seldom take the time to nurture each other. It may be also difficult for some to ask for help and support for themselves.

For the rest of this article and Dr. Fox's suggestions please go here.
 

Isabelle Fox, Ph.D. is a psychotherapist and author of Being There: The Benefits of a Stay-at-Home Parent. Isabelle is also a member of the API Advisory Board.

Milk cowPart II--Moo Juice
 
Last month's Q&A was about the importance of Human Milk for Toddlers. 
 
 
This month we tackle the other side of the milk issue. Information is taken from AskDrSears.com.
 
Q: Is it wise to limit the consumption of cow's milk?
 
A: A toddler should have no more than 24
ounces of cow milk every day, per Dr. Sears in The Baby Book. Too much cow milk clearly correlates with milk-related iron deficiency anemia, and there are some indications it might correlate with Type 1 diabetes and some autoimmune diseases as well. Cow's milk does not contain any of the essential fatty acids necessary for brain and body growth in young children, and the fat composition depends upon the fat in cow's feed and may contain trans fatty acids.

"Delay cow's milk feeding for infants; limit it for toddlers. The Committee on Nutrition of the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends that parents delay using cow's milk as a beverage until a baby is at least one year of age. There are two iron-related reasons for this: cow's milk is low in iron, and cow's milk can irritate the intestinal lining, causing bleeding and the loss of iron. This is a tiny amount of blood loss, but over a long period of time it can be significant. The combination of poor iron intake and increased iron loss sets a baby up for iron deficiency anemia, and excessive milk consumption is a common cause of iron deficiency anemia in toddlers. An eighteen-month-old who consumes forty ounces of milk a day may be plump, but is probably very pale. Unless advised otherwise by your baby's doctor, limit your toddler's cow milk intake to no more than 24 ounces a day." Quote taken from Ask Dr. Sears.

 
Our Growing Team
 
TheBruces
Welcome New API Leaders and Support Groups

 

API would like to welcome our newest Leaders to our team, and to thank them for their dedication to Attachment Parenting and API.  Their efforts truly make a difference in the community they serve.

 
New Group Leaders
  • Karen and Staven Bruce (shown above), Twin Cities API
  • Kim McCulloch, Will County API, IL

New Groups

  • Will County API, IL

 

For information on becoming an API Leader or starting a new API Support Group, please visit our website.

 

 

New Reading Requirements for Leader Applicants

 

We have revised API's reading requirements. We now refer to specific books in seven categories, and we have introduced more individual flexibility at the discretion of Lisa Feiertag, Director of Leader Applicants.  The new requirements are detailed on the Starting a Group page.

 

babyissueAnd In The Next Issue ofthe Journal
 
A Mother Shares Her Joys and Challenges in Breastfeeding Triplets!

 

 

Our biggest issue yet, the 36-page annual New Baby issue of The Journal of API is due out to in your mailboxes, or e-mail inboxes, in May. And it is a keeper.

You'll want to share this issue with your friends, family, neighbors, and co-workers -- but be sure to keep your Journal for yourself! Extra copies of the Journal can be purchased on the Web site.

 

Gracing the cover is the beginning of an interview with Jo Dee Prichard, a mother who went from being shocked to learn she was carrying triplets to shattering the expectations of one doctor who told her that she couldn't breastfeed the three. Her story is a heartwarming recount of the joys she experienced in the early years of raising triplets -- with a raw look at the challenges that mothers of multiples encounter.

 

Other articles explore the dynamics of sibling spacing on the family, how to effectively handle first-born jealousy, a real-life look at postpartum emotions, how food can directly affect the moods of new mothers, and much more. This issue is jam-packed with informative articles whose tips can be taken right from the pages to be used with your family.

 

Join today to receive a copy of this issue of The Journal of API.

 
Members that were current as of March 17th and that chose postal delivery will receive a copy of this issue of The Journalof API in May. For members who joined after March 17th and chose postal delivery you will receive a copy of the upcoming issue to be released in July. Members' current as of April 27th who choose or chose to receive The Journal of API in electronic format will receive their electronic edition at the beginning of May. If you are not receiving your journal and believe you should be, please contact our Member Liaison Stephanie Petters.

 

Interested in writing about your experiences as an Attachment Parent? The Journal of API is now accepting article submissions and advertising placements for the following issues. Submission deadlines are:

 

* Fall 2008 - AP and the Growing Child (parenting children ages 5 through adult, school options) - July 11th

* Winter 2008-2009 - Healing Childhood Wounds (using AP to change the patterns of our past, controlling anger and anxiety) - October 10th

* Spring 2009 - annual New Baby issue (procedures, interventions, and decisions during pregnancy, childbirth, and the early newborn days) - deadline TBA

 

If you're interested in submitting an article to The Journal of API, contact Editor Rita Brhel. Please note that there is no monetary compensation for these articles.

 

If you're interested in advertising in The Journal of API, contact Advertising Manager Melissa Corbett.

 

LetterC harity!

"Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has."

- Margaret Mead
 
Donations
 
Do you or your friends annually give to a charity? If so, please make API your charity for this year!

 

Do you like to give meaningful and heartfelt gifts to family and friends? If so, then please consider giving gift memberships to API!

 

Does your employer or your spouse's employer match contributions? If so, how about signing up with API as your matching gift fund!

 

Please consider how you might make a difference... our children and yours will reap the benefits. Please send in your donations to: Stephanie Petters.

 

Attachment Parenting International

PO Box 4615
Alpharetta, GA 30023

 

Mailing your donation ensures 100% goes to API - PayPal takes their fee from all online donations.  To donate online please go here.

 

 

Membership

 

Benefits of Individual / Family Membership, which is $35 per year, include:

  • Four issues of Attachment Parenting: The Journal of API
  • Membership in local parent support group (mention your local group when you join and $15 of your membership will be retained for use in your local community)
  • Discounts and early registration for API conferences and other select events
  • A chance to share your passion; opportunity to become an API leader, start a new support group, or donate your skills to the API Headquarters Team

Professional Membership, which is $75 per year, is recommended for individuals who promote Attachment Parenting through their professional endeavors.  This level of membership is open to anyone whose job impacts the physical, psychological, or emotional health of children and families. 

Benefits include:

  • All the benefits of Individual / Family Membership
  • Two extra outreach copies each quarter of Attachment Parenting: The Journal of API
  • Opportunity to purchase 25 additional copies of each issue of The Journal of API (100 total copies) for only $100 per year
  • Special invitation to professional events hosted by API and our partners
  • Access to professional brochures and materials as they become available

Join API Today!

TiffanyThe Pay may be Zilch--
 
But The Rewards are Priceless!
 
Wanted: PHP Programmer with OSCommerce or Related Shopping Cart Knowledge
 

API is in great need of someone to help troubleshoot shopping cart issues and add new features to our wonderful new shopping cart. We are using OSCommerce, an open-source PHP/MySQL-based shopping cart solution and although it's up and running, we could really use someone with experience to help us roll out new features and troubleshoot the occasional bug. If you're interested, please contact Julie Artz, Technology Manager.

 
Also Needed Are:
  • Sales Coordinator - The individual that fills this position will manage and maintain API's online shopping cart, adding inventory items, tracking sales, and reporting them to the Team Manager. If interested please contact Brandy Lance.
    Note: This coordinator is not expected to ship store items.
  • Retail Affiliate Coordinator - This coordinator would work with AP supportive individuals and businesses to establish a mutually beneficial relationship through our retail affiliate program. This program will ultimately give businesses additional exposure while assisting API with an additional source of revenue. If interested please contact Brandy Lance.
  • "For the Children" Coordinator - Would you like to help families strengthen their attachments through play? The Journal of API will be featuring items in each issue that help children learn empathy, to express feelings, or to resolve conflicts through play. If you are interested in collecting ideas sent from API Leaders and members for inclusion in the Journal, please contact Rita Brhel  Note: Available to API Resource or Group Leaders only.

For other team positions go here.

Hunt AdCorrection

In last month's Links, The Unschooling Unmanual was incorrectly referred to as The Unschooling Manual. My apologies to Jan Hunt.
--The Editor
In This Issue
**New Exec. Director**
*Wise Words
*On Having a Second Child
*More Excitement
*A Delicate Balance
*Milk Part II
*Our Growing Team
*In The Next Issue
*Charity
*Priceless!
*Correction
Our Mission
is to educate and support all parents in raising secure, joyful, and empathetic children in order to strengthen families and create a more compassionate world.

Read our
Eight Principles of Attachment Parenting
 
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Contact Information
I hope you enjoyed this issue of APILinks!  If you have questions, comments, or suggestions about this eNewsletter, please contact me.

Warmly,

Avril Dannenbaum, Editor

Attachment Parenting International
web: http://www.attachmentparenting.org
 
Attachment Parenting International
P.O. Box 4615
Alpharetta, Georgia 30032
(800) 850-8320 - phone and fax