|On Being a Bradley Coach
How we gave birth to and raise our son comes logically out of the foundations of our marriage: loving and supporting each other.
When we looked at our birthing options, we investigated different venues and eventually chose a free standing birth center. We then took matters a step further and attended Bradley Method Husband-Coached Childbirth classes as well, just in case we needed to transfer to a hospital.
Bradley had a philosophy which was in tune with our thinking. And it got things off to a great start. We worked as a team, husband and wife during labor and delivery.
Once our son was here, Attachment Parenting continued to support our values. AP helped us focus on directing our energies to doing what was in the best interest of our son for his growth and well being.
Thank you DH for taking the time to share about our choices. To find out more about Bradley Method go here.
by William Sears, MD
Most of the bonding research has focused on mother-infant bonding, with the father given only honorable mention. In recent years fathers, too, have been the subject of bonding research and have even merited a special term for the father-infant relationship at birth--"engrossment." We used to talk about father involvement; now it's father engrossment--meaning involvement to a higher degree. Engrossment is not only what the father does for the baby--holding and comforting-- but also what the baby does for the father. Bonding with baby right after birth brings out sensitivity in dad.
Fathers are often portrayed as well meaning, but bumbling, when caring for newborns. Fathers are sometimes considered secondhand nurturers, nurturing the mother as she nurtures the baby. That's only half the story. Fathers have their own unique way of relating to babies, and babies thrive on this difference.
In fact, studies on father bonding show that fathers who are given the opportunity and are encouraged to take an active part in caring for their newborns can become just as nurturing as mothers. A father's nurturing responses may be less automatic and slower to unfold than a mother's, but fathers are capable of a strong bonding attachment to their infants during the newborn period.
Please go here to read the entire article on Bonding.
Ways Dads Can Connect After a Day at Work
Q: My husband and I have two children under 2 to whom I have a very close relationship. Sometimes, my husband feels slighted, like they prefer me to him. I don't think this is the case: Yes, I stay home with them all day, but they are always very excited when he comes home after work. Do you have any advice for activities my husband can do with our children so he feels more connected?
A: Congratulations on having such a strong bond with your young children and wanting your husband to have that same quality of bond. Sometimes fathers can feel a little left out during the first few years, but it is important to make sure they stay involved. Young children benefit from a strong relationship with dad, even if it is not obvious during the early years.
Anything that your husband does with your two kids will help him feel more connected. What does he like to do? Attached children often want to be in the thick of things and enjoy doing whatever mom or dad is doing. Some everyday tasks he might do that they can join in include: working out in the yard (when not using motorized equipment); taking out the trash; assorted household chores--washing the dishes, putting laundry away, vacuuming.
Another thing for him to do is just be present. If he sits down on the floor and makes himself available for play, your kids are likely to involve him in whatever they are doing. If they don't, he can initiate play by starting to play with whatever is handy--building with blocks, rolling a ball around, driving vehicles around.
Reading stories is another great activity. If your youngest isn't mobile yet, it would be quite easy for your husband to hold him or her and start reading a story. Your older child is likely to join in the reading and want to sit on daddy's other knee.
As your children become more verbal, Dad can ask them how their day was. This may lead to them asking what Dad did at work today. If possible, you may want Dad to call a couple times during his workday to touch base with his kids.
Lastly, I would remind your husband to relax. Enjoy his kids. If he is tense around them, they will sense this and may not want to be with him at that moment. These first years are full of wonder and pass all too quickly. May your family enjoy them to the fullest!
Many thanks for this Q&A from our Information Team!
Principled Parenting Program
Register now for API's Principled Parenting Parent Educator Program Training!
Join us for our first training in Cape Cod, MA, on July 11 and 12 and receive a bonus follow-up training free!
Earn income as an API-certified Parent Educator in your community and help other parents acquire practical knowledge about creating and maintaining meaningful and healthy relationships with their children.
Space is limited, so apply soon! See the API website for full details.
Sherman made the terrible discovery that men make about their fathers sooner or later... that the man before him was not an aging father but a boy, a boy much like himself, a boy who grew up and had a child of his own and, as best he could, out of a sense of duty and, perhaps love, adopted a role called Being a Father so that his child would have something mythical and infinitely important: a Protector, who would keep a lid on all the chaotic and catastrophic possibilities of life.
Tom Wolfe, The Bonfire of the Vanities
Our Growing Team
Welcome New API Leaders and Support Groups
API would like to welcome our newest Leaders to our team, and to thank them for their dedication to Attachment Parenting and API. Their efforts truly make a difference in the community they serve.
- Deanna Spangler, API of Roseville, CA
Deanna writes: This is from a recent trip to Disneyland with Larissa (3 years old) showing her posed, rehearsed 'I'm cute but this is taking too long' smile, Deanna in princess Mickey ears, and Melany (15 months), showing off her cuteness that seems to get her everything she wants.
- Joanna and Mark Glass, Triangle API of North Carolina
- April Clemons, API of Frederick MD
- Natália Fialho, API of Lisboa, Portugal
- API of Roseville, CA
- API of Lisboa, Portugal
For information on becoming an API Leader or starting a new API Support Group, please visit our website.
- Kendrah Nilsestuen of API of Parker, CO
- API of Parker, CO
New Reading Requirements for Leader Applicants
We have revised API's reading requirements. We now refer to specific books in seven categories, and we have introduced more individual flexibility under the guidance of Lisa Feiertag, Director of Leader Applicants. The new requirements are detailed on the Starting a Group page.
|In The News
Husband and wife duo launch "The Great Co-Sleeping Survey"
The Fennells have been involved in promoting safe co-sleeping for many years. As parents of six and inventors of the Humanity Family Sleeper, they know firsthand how misleading media coverage of co-sleeping can discourage families from using this important bonding and nurturing tool. Now they have launched "The Great Co-Sleeping Survey" to help raise awareness about co-sleeping, and how to do it safely. Please participate in their survey and check back next month for information about API's Safe Sleep Campaign.
API teaches parents how to safely co-sleep and supports the principle of Nighttime Parenting. Please click here to learn more about safe co-sleeping practices.
For more information visit API's News page .
|And In The Next Issue of The Journal...
A Sneak Preview of the API Co-founders' Book...
Lysa Parker Breastfeeding, 1984
Currently in the making, the Summer issue of The Journal of API is due out to your mailboxes and e-mail inboxes in July. With the theme of AP in a Non-AP World, this issue is meant to give you a boost as you strive to embrace the Eight Principles of Attachment Parenting.
Included in the pages of this issue is a sneak preview of the new Attachment Parenting book co-authored by API Co-founders Lysa Parker and Barbara Nicholson. Attached at the Heart: 8 Proven Principles for Raising Connected and Compassionate Children will be available for purchase later this year.
Members that were current as of May and that chose postal delivery will receive a copy of this issue of The Journal of API in July. For members who joined after May and chose postal delivery you will receive a copy of the upcoming issue to be released in October. Members' current as of June 27 who choose or chose to receive The Journal of API in electronic format will receive their electronic edition of "AP in a Non AP World" at the beginning of July. If you are not receiving your journal and believe you should be, please contact our Member Liaison Stephanie Petters. Not a member, join today to receive upcoming editions of The Journal of API.
Interested in writing about your experiences as an Attachment Parent? The Journal of API is now accepting article submissions and advertising placements for the following issues. Submission deadlines are:
- Fall 2008 - AP and the Growing Child (parenting children ages 5 through adult, school options) - July 11th
- Winter 2008-2009 - Healing Childhood Wounds (using AP to change the patterns of our past, controlling anger and anxiety) - October 10th
- Spring 2009 - annual New Baby issue (procedures, interventions, and decisions during pregnancy, childbirth, and the early newborn days) - January 11th
- Summer 2009 - Feeding with Love & Respect (breastfeeding, bottlefeeding, introducing solids, helping older children learn to choose nutritious foods) - April 11th
If you're interested in submitting an article, contact Editor Rita Brhel.
If you're interested in advertising in The Journal of API, contact Advertising Manager Corrina Milito.
|API Reads Selection for June and July
Hold On to Your Kids by Gorden Neufeld, Ph.D. and Gabor Mate, M.D.
"Children today increasingly look to their peers for direction--their values, identity, and codes of behavior. This "peer orientation" undermines family cohesion, interferes with healthy development, and fosters a hostile and sexualized youth culture. Children end up becoming overly conformist, desensitized, and alienated, and being "cool" matters more to them than anything else.
Hold On to Your Kids explains the causes of this crucial breakdown of parental influence--and demonstrates ways to "reattach" to sons and daughters, establish the proper hierarchy in the home, make kids feel safe and understood, and earn back your children's loyalty and love. By helping to reawaken parenting instincts innate to us all, this book will empower parents to be for their children what nature intended: a true source of contact, security, and warmth."
-excerpt from back of book
To purchase book please go here. And to participate in lively and insightful discussions on our new book, please go here.
Father's Day Dedications
Do you have or know of someone who is a special father?
Remember and honor every special man in your life by sending API's exclusive gift packages including customizable, published dedications.
We have some really special gift packages in which you can do just that! Please go here to API's online store and look for the gift packages in the Merchandise section.
Check our Father's Day page now to see your dedication listed!
Here at API we know how to have a great time. Join us!
Web Content Manager
API is looking for someone with a background in web-based communication to drive the content and style of the new API Web site. Excellent written communication and organizational skills a must. Specific experience with designing information for the web, design, navigation, news feeds, promoting web content is also a plus. If you'd like to be considered for this position, please email Rita Brhel .
Graphic Artist with Background in Web Design
API is in need of a graphic artist with a background in web design to help with images for the web site and other promotional materials. Tasks are typically given in small chunks and include creation of animated web banners, basic photo manipulation, ad layout, and button creation. If you're interested, please contact Julie Artz, Technology Manager.
Do you have a passion for coordinating and organizing events? If you are interested in the variety of events that API would like to put together in 2008-2009 then we'd love to talk to YOU! Please email Art Yuen.
For other team positions go here.
|HAPPYBABY Food Offer
HAPPYBABY is committed to making baby food as healthy and delicious as homemade.
HAPPYBABY's unique meals are developed by healthcare professionals, parents, and socially responsible businesswomen to ensure your baby gets the essential nutrients needed for optimal growth and development. Try HAPPYBABY fresh frozen organic meals and HAPPYBELLIES, the only organic baby cereals with DHA + Probiotic protection, click for coupon!
|New API Brochures Available
Help API spread the word about its new offerings, from the online Forum to the Parent education program, with a new brochure available through the API Web site.
Click here to see a sample of the full-color, glossy, and information-packed handout that would be great for your next Support Group meeting, parenting conference, or to give out anywhere local where families frequently visit.
Our world needs a fundamental shift in the way it treats its children. Attachment Parenting International represents a global effort to protect the parent-child connection and create future generations of compassionate, healthy children.
Please join us in this monumental and critical mission by becoming an API member. Your membership benefits your family, your professional career, your local community, and the community at large. We look forward to enjoying the journey with you!
Come See Billy Dean
Billy Dean (Somewhere in My Broken Heart, Let them Be Little)!
Friday, June 27, 2008, 7:00 pm - Billy Dean & Friends Benefit Concert at the Von Braun Center, Huntsville, Alabama
API is happy to present the very talented Grammy Award winning Recording Artist and Songwriter
Join API Founders Lysa and Barbara in attending this wonderful event! Please click here to learn more!
Do you or your friends annually give to a charity? If so, please make API your charity for this year!
Do you like to give meaningful and heartfelt gifts to family and friends? If so, then please consider giving gift memberships to API!
Does your employer or your spouse's employer match contributions? If so, how about signing up with API as your matching gift fund!
Please consider how you might make a difference... our children and yours will reap the benefits. Please send in your donations to: Stephanie Petters.
Attachment Parenting International
PO Box 4615
Alpharetta, GA 30023
Mailing your donation ensures 100% goes to API - PayPal takes their fee from all online donations. To donate online please go here.
|We Honor the Following Special Fathers
John Gerard Hordyk
Dan Gray Sr.
API Advisory Board
To see your Father's Day dedications please click on the link. There is still time to order a dedication for your special father before the month is out. We'll send them a specialized email taking them to their online dedication!
To order your dedication, please visit our API store.
is to educate and support all parents in raising secure, joyful, and empathic children in order to strengthen families and create a more compassionate world.
Eight Principles of Attachment Parenting