Before I became a mom, I used to hear parents talk about the “terrible twos,” and honestly, I had no idea what they were talking about.
Now that my baby is almost 2, I get it. There are moments when her tantrums completely overwhelm me. There are times when I honestly don’t know what to do.
I understand that toddler tantrums are a normal part of development and usually come from frustration, but knowing that doesn’t always make it easier to respond in the moment. Sometimes I give in. Sometimes I firmly say “no,” which I really don’t like doing.
Feeling unsure, I reached out to other parents in my parent group, and their ideas have been incredibly helpful. Here are a few things that have made a difference for me:
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Learning how to respond. I’ve been reading The Discipline Book by Dr. William Sears, and it’s helped me understand what’s really happening during those intense terrible-twos moments. One thing I’ve learned is to name my daughter’s feelings out loud when she’s upset. It shifts the focus from the tantrum to the emotion behind it and that helps both of us. I’ve also found that gently holding her and speaking calmly can really help her settle as I reassure her that everything will be okay.
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Noticing triggers. Sometimes her reactions catch me off guard, so I started paying attention to what leads up to a tantrum. Writing things down has helped me see patterns. I’ve noticed she struggles more when she has to share a toy or when it’s time to leave the park while she’s having fun. Knowing this doesn’t mean I avoid those situations, but it does help me recognize when a meltdown might be coming.
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Understanding myself. I’ve also realized that I can be emotionally reactive during her tantrums in ways that don’t help either of us. I think that some of my reactions are tied to memories of how my father disciplined me. As I work through these feelings and learn healthier responses, I’m also becoming better at responding calmly to my own toddler.
With practice, I’m starting to feel more confident when my daughter is upset and overwhelmed. It’s definitely not perfect, but it is getting easier.
What are situations that tend to trigger your toddler's tantrums? In what ways can you prepare yourself to be able to guide your toddler through these tense moments?
