In this issue of Attached Family, we examine shame versus guilt and how shame contributes to emotional trauma. We look at the intersect of parenting and shame, keeping in mind that shame is a normal emotional response to certain social situations, but like anger or disappointment, when unresolved, shame can lead to lifelong difficulties.
Inside this issue, you'll find mind-bending, inspiring, and empowering features to stretch your parenting wings:
"What is Shame?" by API Executive Editor Rita Brhel -- defines shame, how it differs from guilt, when it crosses the line to become toxic shame, and what parents need to know
"Core Beliefs Color Your Parenting," also by Rita Brhel -- explains how shame-based core beliefs affect our everyday decisions, including our parenting behaviors
"What Makes Emotional Trauma? Fear, Disconnect and Shame," an interview with Daniela Sieff, PhD -- explores the ingredients to developing a shame-based view of oneself and what is all involved in healing, which certainly underlines the importance of prevention through parenting
"Parenting as a Protest Against Hate" by Lauren Gottschalk-Scher, fashion designer -- looks at how parenting can be activism
"What is Normal, Healthy Infant Sleep?" by API KnowledgeBase Coordinator Art Yuen -- discusses what biologically normal sleep in infants, and adults, looks like and the effects that artificial light and work productivity expectations have
"6 Tips to Lessen Separation Anxiety," also by Art Yuen -- looks at goodbye routines and other ideas for children and their parents when separation is necessary, such as for working parents
"Self-Validation Before Self-Control" by Denise Durkin, MA, parenting consultant -- explains how development of a positive self-worth must be in place first before trying to teach a child self-control
"Engagement vs Redirection to Create Emotional Safety," also by Denise Durkin -- describes the differences between these two discipline techniques and why engagement may be the better choice
"11 Ways to Parent Outside the Box" by Brooke Campbell, MA, creative therapist -- gives ideas on how to incorporate more attunement in parenting
"How to Heal Attachment with Your Teen" by Shoshana Hayman, Neufeld Institute Faculty -- outlines how the teenage years can reveal attachment weaknesses and how to restore a close attachment when you need to
Shame can be a difficult topic for parents. API hopes this issue of Attached Family helps you be able to explore this topic safely. API hopes you take away the idea that parents don't need to fear shame, and that Attachment Parenting is exactly how to address it in a healthy way.
Infants and parents benefit from breastfeeding and sleeping near one another, reducing SIDS risk by 50%
Attachment Parenting International responds to 2016 AAP Statement on Infant Sleep
Nashville, TN. (October 26, 2016) – Attachment Parenting International (API) welcomes the AAP’s latest Statement on Infant Sleep that acknowledges the dilemma parents face in providing responsive nighttime infant care in accordance with past AAP guidelines.
API recognizes that many parents choose to keep their infant close at night to meet the infant's needs. As a result, API is encouraged that the AAP now recognizes that infants and parents both benefit by sleeping in proximity. The AAP advises parents to have infants in the same room at night instead of having them in another room, citing evidence that SIDS risk can be reduced by 50% when parents and infants sleep near each other. This advice improves support of the physiologically vulnerable infant by a responsive parent, and ideally will help parents avoid controversial practices of sleep training, “cry it out” methods, or solitary infant sleep.
Further, API is pleased that the AAP’s statement acknowledges that breastfeeding is associated with lower SIDS rates and that nighttime proximity improves breastfeeding rates. These new recommendations also recognize and understand that a parent may fall asleep while meeting the needs of the infant, and that falling asleep with an infant in a proactively prepared bed is preferable to falling asleep with an infant in a chair, couch or other unsafe location.
Parents seek solutions to get enough sleep at night while they also desire to respond to and care for their infants. Practical guidelines that recognize the critical parenting role and related challenges can help parents attend to their infant’s needs at night while avoiding risky products or products that do not provide the full benefits of sleeping in proximity, such as baby monitors, and avoiding falling asleep in chairs, rockers or sofas.
API urges the AAP to continue to examine recommendations that separate the mother-baby dyad during sleep. Breastfeeding mothers have always slept with their children as a matter of health and safety. Better data and accurate reporting of the causes of the tragic instances of infant death in the parent bed will help clarify and individualize recommendations. It is important to ensure that experts are not promoting cultural practices that undermine health and well being in the short and long term.
API advocates for practices that are dedicated to the physical and emotional safety of infants as well as long term health of all children; that empower parents to be educated on infant sleep, arousal, and breathing; and for decisions that are based in accurate data and compatible with biological needs. For more information on API’s Principle on ensuring safe sleep, emotionally and physically, please visit www.attachmentparenting.org.
Sure, we all fall short sometimes: who of us isn’t tired, cranky, annoyed and just worn down at times?
But we’re all graced with unlimited chances, so this October, AP Month is for you. Join us. AP Month is about celebrating and supporting each other as we strive for more peace and harmony in our families.
Bid in our exciting and popular online auction October 18 – 31! (link coming soon)
Share AP Month with everyone you know and spread the word: Peace and Harmony are “in” this month!
What: Attachment Parenting International (API), along with the Sears family and other prominent AP supporters, declared October to be Attachment Parenting (AP) Month. API has been celebrating AP Month every October since 2008.
The AP Month vision is to create one strong voice for AP through activities, events and information and to celebrate what we believe in — the value of “Nurturing Peace for World Harmony” in our families and our communities.
In communities everywhere. API accredits leaders who host parent group meetings and events all over the world. Find an API group near you.
Who: All parents, AP partners and like minds around the world are invited and encouraged to join with us in“Nurturing Peace for World Harmony” during Attachment Parenting Month.
AP Month Goals:
Unify the AP voice.
Offer parents and adults support and confidence in “Nurturing Peace for World Harmony.”
Promote awareness of AP.
Educate about API, other AP Month sponsors and their services.
Provide a source of funds to support the API mission.
About the theme: “Nurturing Peace for World Harmony” is the theme for AP Month 2016 and a statement that healthy, secure attachments between parents and children isn’t just one child or one family, but extends to whole communities, nations and even the world. We can be the change we wish to see in the world through our AP Month theme. We need not feel helplessly bathed in negativity; we can be empowered through this simple vision that begins in our homes.
During AP Month, parents are challenged to re-examine their daily activities and traditions and learn new ways to grow with each other and remain close and supportive. AP Month partners will offer resources to support and sustain these efforts all year round.
ARE YOU PASSIONATE ABOUT HELPING FAMILIES CREATE SECURE ATTACHMENTS?
Based on the book Attached at the Heart, the Attached at the Heart Parenting Educator (AHPE) program is grounded in attachment theory, informed by cutting edge research, and designed as a prevention model to help parents better understand and apply the Eight Principles of Parenting for a child’s optimal physical and emotional development.
In only three days you can become a Certified Attached at the Heart Parent Educator (CAHPE) a program of Attachment Parenting International (API), with the information and materials you need to start teaching parenting classes in your community. We are looking for good candidates such as mental health professionals, social workers, childbirth and lactation educators, doulas, and family life educators. Space is limited!
Program developers API co-founders Barbara Nicholson & Lysa Parker will be in Brooklyn to personally teach the program. Apply today to take advantage of this rare opportunity to expand your knowledge base and become one of a select group of certified AATH Parent Educators.
You will learn:
♥ The basics of attachment theory and parent education principles
♥ Why attachment is critically important for the family and society
♥ Attachment parenting as defined by API
♥ Cultural myths about parenting
♥ The myths about AP
♥ Hands on strategies and activities for teaching the parents you serve and much more!
Workshop Tuition includes:
♡ Ten step-by-step lesson plans with downloadable materials, music, videos, activities, parenting tips and parent handouts
♡ Morning and afternoon snacks provided for each day
♡ Training to use the Adult-Adolescent Parenting Inventory
♡ Three full days of parenting training by the founders of API
Tues Oct. 18, 9:00 a.m. to 5:00 p.m.
Wed Oct. 19, 9:00 a.m. to 5:00 p.m.
Thur Oct. 20, 9:00 a.m. to 5:00 p.m.
Application fee: $30
Early Bird registration: $400
(after application is approved)
Late registration: $450 (after Oct. 4 )
78 EAST 2ND STREET, BROOKLYN NY@
GREENWOOD AVE. WWW.NURTUREBKLYN.COM
Coming to Brooklyn, NY, October, 2016
Attached at the Heart Parent Educator Training
DON’T MISS OUT!
After celebrating API’s 20th year serving families and validating the impact of API, 2015 was a year to plan and ensure that API can continue our services and programs. API continued valuable programs such as accrediting leaders, distributing research-backed and investigative articles in timely publications, raising awareness about secure attachment, and helping individual families nurture for a more compassionate future. This is the core of API’s work. Families and services are grateful for your support and donations, and want you know how much you accomplished.
Accredit, Join, Serve
You brought the number of API Leaders and leader applicants to 248 and local support groups to 80, with several new countries represented. You provided the support leaders needed, such as meeting guides, outreach materials, mentoring, monthly support calls, “Leader Talk” enewsletters, and “Connections” blog posts, as well as addressed unique circumstances with one-on-one support from API staff. You developed a new Support Group Reporting form to help tell the API story more effectively. You celebrated API Leaders with 1, 5, 10, and even more than 15 years of dedicated volunteer service in their communities.
You certified 100 parent educators through the Attached at the Heart program, adding parents and professionals in Los Angeles, San Antonio, and Atlanta. You provided dedicated staff that helped build the program and a team to move it forward.
You invited new members to API, with more than 600 new members joining in the last quarter. An estimated... Read on
The Attachment Parenting International AP Month Auction is an exciting, 14-day event where you'll find a variety of one-of-a-kind items up for grabs at unbelievable prices. Stock up for holidays or year-round gifts.
Let me just put it out there like it is: in this age of taxes and required subsidizing it is difficult to give money. However, AP is our life. I can think of no better organization to happily and joyfully give my money to than API. They are the real deal, no fake people or shady motives.