For a long time, I had this idea that parents shouldn’t get mad.
I’m not sure where that belief came from. My own parents certainly got angry with me sometimes—and, honestly, some of my teenage antics probably deserved it.
I’m married to a sales manager whose job comes with long hours and frequent out-of-state travel. When he’s on the road, he leaves before the sun is up and comes home days later, long after the kids are asleep. During the busiest part of the year, even when he’s not traveling, he’s gone before we wake up and home after bedtime.
There are moments when I think, Is this what single parenting feels like? But I know it’s not. I don’t carry all the weight a single parent does.
Every unwanted behavior has a reason. When the “No!”s start ramping up, I ask myself one more question: How much time have I really spent with her lately?
When did you spend time together with your child this week?
Before I became a mom, I used to hear parents talk about the “terrible twos,” and honestly, I had no idea what they were talking about.
Now that my baby is almost 2, I get it. There are moments when her tantrums completely overwhelm me. There are times when I honestly don’t know what to do.
My gut reaction is often to feel annoyed when my son says "I can't," and I have to remember to take a moment before responding. I take a couple extra breaths and remind myself that what my son is feeling is normal. Adults do the same thing! When a woman is in labor, it's common to hear her say, "I can't do this anymore!" and for her support person to respond, "but you're already doing it!"
We all feel like we can't sometimes. Is it more helpful to hear someone respond exasperatedly or with an offer to help?
It seems too good to be true, but there are ways to reduce power struggles with our children without sacrificing respect, limits or your child's confidence.
Listen in on one of our classic podcasts: a timeless and encouraging conversation with educational therapist and licensed family counselor Susan Stiffelman giving lessons learned on tips for a house filled with more laughter, sweeter connection and less struggle.
Right now, the custom of hanging out with friends is new to both my daughter and me. I have to find new ways of relating with Elia and setting boundaries to protect family time while respecting her time with friends and nurturing her growing self-autonomy.
What are the milestones and transition points your family has celebrated this month?
I have a new baby in my family. He is now 17 months old. My last baby was born 10 years earlier. The baby before this baby was born two years prior to my second. My older children are ages 11 and 13.
How do you follow your child's lead in your parenting?
My 5-year-old is happy as long as she's around me. As a baby, she would spend all day content in a sling that I wore.
In what way is your child lovingly unique? How can you let your child know you love and appreciate him or her?
How often are you off in another world when you are with your child? We all struggle to give our children enjoyable, undivided time together with us.
Let's begin by taking a deep breath.