This Father's Day, we meet Thiago Queiroz, a dad who has been absolutely on fire for supporting other fathers in his native Brazil since his oldest of 4 children was born a decade ago. Many dads have been able to "meet" Thiago through his role in the American documentary, Dads.
This morning, it snowed in Seattle. It reminded me of the night Max was born, almost exactly five years ago, when it was sunny and rainy and windy and then, in the middle of the night when we were upside-down with time and date, we looked out the window and saw snow swirling around.
How long has it been since your child's birth? How many times have you shared your birth story with others? How do you continue to celebrate the good and work through the challenges?
Some days, I feel like I do a pretty good job of balancing my career, my family, and myself. Other days, it feels like I'm falling desperately behind and failing on all three counts.
Balance is not one-size-fits-all. In what ways have you discovered how to spend more time with your kids?
I placed the diaper on the kitchen counter. I stared at it and felt a sense of relief and a hint of joy. Memories started to flood my mind.
What will you miss from this stage of parenting? How can you enjoy more of the time with your child in the moment?
My 9-year-old son has never said "I love you."
In what ways other than saying "I love you," does your child communicate that he or she loves you? How can you communicate your love for your child today without words?
While social media has made constant and instantaneous connection easier, there is nothing quite like going to a face-to-face meeting and interacting with other parents and their children in real time. Having a parents' group means having a common thread with other families to help us create a safe, still space when it seems that our world is constantly in motion.
Who is someone you could reach out to about meeting up at the park for a playdate and parent-to-parent conversation?
Q: What are the benefits of parents tapping into their own creativity when it comes to their relationships with their children?
A: When you pay attention to the creativity of your child, you are connecting to a part of your child that is timeless. When you try to connect to your child's creativity and sense of wonder, you reawaken your own creativity and your own sense of wonder. If you focus on making it a safe and benevolent environment for your child to have self-expression, you then find yourself with a desire to have a safe, protected environment for yourself. The home becomes a sort of sanctuary, not only for your child's creativity but for your own.
Falling in love with our kids is a daring thing to do. Love opens us up, wide open: no armor, no defenses. We're naked and vulnerable when we're in love. Love is powerful. It's not just cupids and chocolates and diamonds. Love is raw, open, vulnerable, crazy, courageous, light that shines on every dark corner, every unmet need, and everything we don't want to look at.
When can you practice bravely allowing yourself to fully love your child?
One-on-one time is a great way to share pleasant time together, and scheduling daily one-on-one time (even if only a few minutes) is a great way to shape our days to ensure a routine of regular connection. It may not seem like it, but these few minutes a day goes a long way toward working together and solving problems when my child is in need of guidance.
What time during the day works best for you to spend a few focused minutes with your child?
My friend, Nichole, and her husband both work full-time. Their 2-year-old daughter spends the day with a childcare provider who has cared for her during work days since she was 6 weeks old. Nichole's husband picks up their daughter from the childcare center.
In what ways do you reconnect with your child after time away?
